Dear Lucy,

I can honestly say that one day does not go by where I don't fight back tears just thinking of you.
It doesn't get easier like everyone promised. My bed is lonely without you.



I miss you and your diva attitude, hogging all the covers, eating my food, being completely inconsiderate of anything that didn't have to do with your personal pleasure.
You were, by far, the greatest friend I cold ever ask for.

Listen. Teach

Love...

Suffers Long and is Kind, It does not envy, it does not parade itself, it us not puffed up, it does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, it thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth, LOVE BEARS ALL THINGS, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

LOVE never fails.

And the Lord God said, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your mind and all your soul, this is the first great commandment. And the second is like it, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'


To those of you still taking the time out of your day to read this, I thank you... as so many other would have rolled their eyes at the 'cliche' Bible entry and been completely uninterested.


What's interesting to me, and what I think seems to be forgotten by most Christians, is the emphasis on LOVE in the Bible. God IS love, therefore if we are supposed to be Christ like, should we not evoke love into absolutely every area of my life?

What I love is that Christ did not say first love God, then push His views onto people no matter what it takes... conversions equals jewels in heaven, after all. NO, Christ said... first love God, then love the people. For even if you SAY you love God, but you do NOT love your neighbor, everything you do in life... all the good deeds are equivelent to sounding brass and clanging symbols to God ... Paul says it best, without love... all the good works profit NOTHING.

How can the people who say to be Christians forget this so fast? I know, it can be so hard to not clench your teeth in anger at some people, to not be able to see their viewpoints when they are completely opposite of you, to not be so frustrated with the people who are not your idea of perfect, but..

it is not the Christians job to change any of that. ANY of it.

Your job, as Christians... and I honestly think of any person living in the world, religious views aside... should be to love.

So many people are taking an 'us vs. them' stance when it comes to Christians and those who do not believe the like. But that's not it at all!

HELLO dumbies (ok, that wasn't showing love.. was it?) Christ himself who walked on this earth went against the religious ideas of perfect and placed himself with the prostitutes, the social outcasts, and those who did wrong. Who are YOU to think you're too good to bestow love upon someone, simply because their views on life differ from yours.

I am not here today, to tell you my views on politics, on your life, on what you should believe or even think. No, I am here to apologize.

On behalf of every Christian who has not showed you the love that I know God himself would have showed you (and if you don't believe in my God, please, accept my apology anyway), I apologize for any Christian who has been so disgusted with your lifestyle that they treat you as the scum of the earth, I sincerely apologize if the rude, or even oblivious remarks made by Christians have thus turned you completely opposite Christ.
And although it might be very hard for people to understand this, Christians are human as well, we do screw up as you would, and we're simply trying to live life day to day.

But that it no way makes it ok for the way you may have been treated. Although I can not say any Christian I know is perfect, please understand that it is not a reflection on who God is, for I wish I could say I was a mere image of God, unconditionally loving everyone, but I am not.

James asked me the other day if I could be remembered for anything, what would it be?
I answered boldness... but I didn't really feel like that was my answer.

I know now what it would be.
I want people to remember the love I show them. No matter their race, beliefs, sexuality, social status, job, religion, political views, bakground.. anything, I want to love them. Love them as only God could love them.

And though you may not agree with my spiritual beliefs, the verses on love are undeniably life changing and can be applied to anyone, anywhere. Hasn't there been enough war and intolerance in the world? All of it ends in violence, oppression, anger and strife...

....but what if it ended in love?

escape from jury duty

good thing i called off work for jury duty.
it's not like I need the hours or anything.


and though I'm glad to have escaped my civil duty, I'm a tad bitter that I could've at least gotten paid for today.

Instead, I watch internet tv.

God bless the CW

flowers for algernon

bad idea. bad bad bad idea.


I was starved today, and outnumbered 3 to one....AND it actually looked good. and I did it, I did the unspeakable.
I ate a chili cheese fries burrito.

and uggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh..

the worst feeling in the world, since the first bite at about 10 this morning I feel as though my stomach has been at war with the rest of my body.


sick. that was the worst decision, that is definitely crossed OFF my 'I need to do new things' list.

meat's no treat for those you eat.


but on a good note, we went to a thrift store and James the lames bought me Flowers for Algernon.
This book is so sad, and I've read it so many times. But I never tire of it, I love it.

Tomorrow is my last day at Ashley's furniture.
scary

update

holy moley, how I forget about these things so easily.

And I'm glad I have, I dare say I've done a little Kristen searching since my last blog, and I am so happy with the outcome so far.

I don't know when it happened, or even why it happened.. but it did.

One day, I literally woke up and said 'that's it, it's time for a change'

I vowed to myself that I was going to live a little while I'm here. That I was going to stop looking back on what I've missed out on and enjoy every second of what I have left. That I would do things I've never done before, that I would stop making excuses and just DO something... something so simple as going places when I'm invited, quitting a job I hated, indoor skydiving, yoga hell class.

And I've loved every second of it.

I don't know how it happened. But suddenly I'm one optimistic gal. I'm not so afraid anymore, I'm enjoying myself.
I'm closing my eyes and jumping into the deep end.

so, my future is bright, well.. at least I'm thinking it is.


next tuesday I start another semester of school, ahhh. even though my schedule sucks I can't wait to start, my books have been coming in the mail and I get more excited everyday. I love school.
and next tuesday I also [re]start my job at starbucks, where I will be getting paid a whole lot less, but I'm hoping I will be a whole lot happier.




things to do in the [near] future:
*swim with dolphins
*study abroad
*help someone appreciate themselves

wish me luck
:]