Merry Kristen

Confession 7: I think I'm too tired for my age.


I don't think I do too much, but I'm always exhausted. Maybe it's because I don't eat right, or maybe I just really like naps, maybe it's because my mom has trained me that there really is no life after 10.. it's phone off, computer off, go to sleep.
boring.


it's Christmas eve, all my family comes over so we can open presents.
I was much more excited for it yesterday, now I'm just kinda ready for it to be over so I can go to sleep.
But maybe I'll be more excited when my family actually gets here.

And then it's off to James' very very very very large family.

EEEEKKKK.

God be with me.


There's a line of my siblings waiting to use my brand new and BEAUTIFUL labtop (check that off the list) so this post shall be short and meaningful..


ENjoy

and in the event that I can't write tomorrow...

confession 5:

I'm getting my hair cut tomorrow, and I already regret it.

why oh why would I do it then?


who knows..

I can see the finish line... and it just starts another race

so much for updated daily....



I've got two finals down, and just two more to go.

I'm so close to being done I can TASTE it.
And I was soooo looking forward to a break, but nope.. instead I have to work a different day every week.
sucks.

Then in two short weeks I'll be starting the winter semester, which is only 6 weeks so it shouldn't be too hard.
and after that...

no break, starting a heavy load for the spring semester.

I'm gonna try to cut a day of work (if he lets me) so hopefully I'll just be able to survive money-wise. It's gonna be a huge pay cut.


Things to do before school starts again:

1. finish Christmas shopping
2. remind Larry that I'm going to have to work one less day every week.
3. go to disneyland
4. get my labtop so I can pass my online class.

I think those are pretty decent goals.


confession #4:
I don't like being in a big group. of people.

Never.

not even if I know every single person in the group. I'm a one on one gal.
Parties, get togethers, being the 'new' person somewhere where everyone knows each other...
nope.
not for me..

not because I dislike people, and I'm sure if I talked to each of those people one on one I would like them just fine.
but all at once, eek.

In those situations I always feel like I'm being drowned, with no hope of survival.
it makes me apprehensive and I just want to go home with Lucy; she never makes me meet new people.

..although she does make me chase very large dogs down the street



that's all for me, I need to get home and study.

i need to go to disneyland.

oh, won't you go to disneyland with me?

and my heart's keeping time to the speed of sound...

confession 3: I'M SERIOUSLY RETARDED IN ALGEBRA

I've taken the same two math practice tests around 4 times each... and the best score I've gotten was 67%.
what the heck is the point of going to class tomorrow if every time (besides that GLORIOUS D) I've failed every practice test.
I swear to God math formulas change for every effin problem.

and you know what.. I'm gonna keep practicing. Because I refuse to believe that I'm not worth an A in simple algebra.
how am I supposed to do the more difficult algebra next semester... and even the one after that? AND THAT'S THE SIMPLE MATH! just enough to get out of community college.
op my goodness.



that's ok.
at least I can answer phones for the rest of my life.




oooooooooooooooon a brighter note.
I'm getting my laptop soon.
I'm not sure how yet.
but it's a coming!




yesterday is history
(be gone!)
and it's never coming back

Day 2/3. Psychology Blues

Day two [a few days late]


confession 2:

I don't handle failure well/ (confession 3) I over analyze everything.


We had a psychology essay last Thursday on Oedipus Rex and Heart of Darkness.
so, being obsessed with success I studied and studied.. found quotes, read people's views, took notes when he talked about it.. yada yada yada.

He gives us 4 out of the 5 questions on the essay, I PERFECTED (at least I hope) those 4 questions.
so I walk into class... feeling, PRETTY a o.k about this whole essay thing.
the time comes and he gives us the 5th question

"who, what, where, when and why did Frued kill Kurtz'

Now the first thing that came up into my head was.. he must have written it wrong, and meant to put 'Conrad' instead of Kurtz. Because Frued is not the author of Heart of Darkness and therefore has no say about the death of Kurtz.

but nahhhhhh. that was just too simple. There must be something.. anything.. that could make that answer justifiable. So instead of going with my gut instinct and simply writing that Freud didn't kill Kurtz, I decided to go into how Freud uses Kurtz as a symbol of us, and when balanced with the id and the correct amount of civilization the superego... yada yada yada.

As I go to turn in the paper feeling SHAME because I knew it wasn't right.. he takes my paper and my pen.

MY pen...
and draws a sad face.


the NERVE!!! HOW DAREST THOU DRAW A SAD FACE WITH MY VERY OWN WRITING UTENSIL!!
how DARE HE!

does he know who I am!!!!



anyway.. now the best I can get it a B. If I'm lucky.

I hate Freud.
and sad faces.
and did I mention James did no studying whatsoever and got an A?
yea.. I hate him too.

in short, I beat myself up over not going with my gut instinct (which was right)
and cried.


I better get an A in the class.

the end.

Genesis

In a desperate attempt to prove something of myself I have been killing myself to absolutely succeed at everything...

...all at once.

and I'm failing miserably.
eek



I was reading my psych book about how there's three different stages of stress, and somehow managed to be in all three of the stages at once.

And because it's the only thing that's given me advice in a while I decided to take a suggestion, so my dear psychology 1 book..
this is for you.


As suggested, I am supposed to log things that I won't normally tell people for 28 days and see what it does for me.

I guess I already feel a sense of relief,
but I think that's partially because it's taking away from me failing ANOTHER math practice test.

seriously, algebra, I hate you.


anyway...

thing number 1 I wouldn't really tell people:

I'm desperately afraid of growing up.

the thought of not having enough energy, or another chance, the thought of never having the excitement of youth, or the optimism I hold now scares me.

but what scares me the most is wasting my youth worrying about growing up.


it's ironic really, people spend their whole youth trying to find something that's going to be appealing to them when they 'grow up'

and finally when they reach that goal (or at least the age that they should have reached it) they tend to realize that they want their youth back.



why can't we just enjoy our youth while we have it.. and in turn be fully prepares for the adult life?



Thank you America, for your fast pace lifestyle that makes any 18 year old who doesn't know what to make of herself feel like she's behind on the social time clock.


I think I'm having a mid life crisis.
:]






I'd rather dance than talk to you...
so let your hips do the talking.

also, since it's honestly time..

I have an incredible fear of drinking rotten milk
if it's been in the fridge for more than a week. noooo thank you.